Things I Have Learned About People via Social Media Part 1

We ALL use it EVERYDAY. You would think that everyone would begin to follow some "best practices" when it comes to interacting with strangers, acquaintances, friends, and family in the "cyber world". But after spending a few months at a major news outlet in Australia working as a "Social Media Manager", I have learned some important lessons about my fellow... Man... if I dare even group myself into the same genetic category as some of these people.

Here are the first five lessons I have learned while interacting with strangers on the Internet. Enjoy!

Lesson 1: People are dumb- I mean really dumb. I picture some of the users eating paste while pondering if  the "W" key and the "M" key are mistakes, or are there on purpose. Yet despite their continually plummeting IQ score, they still manage to slam their cheeto dust covered sausage fingers into the keyboard long enough to compose a string of words that resembles a sentence. Which I then have to decipher, only to realize that they are high on the glue they have been suckling on all day.

Lesson 2: People are lazy- Much of my "job" is posting an eye catching headline to draw you to click on the link at the end of the headline. I am blown away how many people will take the time to post or reply and ask what the actual story was about because they didn't want to read the story. Listen sweetheart, I am not your nanny, I don't read you a bed time story, fold your clothes, or summarize your news stories. Put on your big boy/girl pants and inform yourself.

Lesson 3: People think they are The Most important person to follow any account- I can not tell you how many messages I have received saying "Hey (Account), There's something about this picture/post/comment that bothers me, can you remove it". Oh, I'm sorry! The picture of a small child in a pool with an attached story about children's swim lessons bothered you! Since you don't like happy children frolicking or the important mission of teaching children to swim, I will take it down this instant. You are our most important follower and we would not dare lose you over a happy heartwarming picture.

Lesson 4: No one reads previous comments- So this is a bit of a reach, as common sense would dictate that those who read previous comments don't post redundant comments. But I am still amazed at how many IDENTICAL comments I see on stories. One after another after another. It is as if no one has any idea how a conversation works. Person A speaks, Person B listens and reacts to Person A. It is like everyone is playing that obnoxious repeating game that we used to play as kids. "Hey", "Hey", "What are you doing?", "What are you doing?", "Are you repeating everything I say?", "Are you repeating everything I say?"... Cool story dude, you are wasting everyone's time and you are about as funny as a small child in a wheelchair struggling to wheel up an inclined ramp.

Lesson 5: The Like, Share, and Comment Buttons scare the hell out of most people- Well except for the older generations. Parents and Grandparents have an obsession with clicking... ALL of these buttons. They see a post about cupcakes... SHARE WITH EVERYONE! Picture of child/grandchild partaking in something that their generation didn't believe in... PUBLICLY SHAME! News story about cell phones... I DON'T UNDERSTAND! It is as if the buttons are small children's chubby virgin cheeks that are crying out to be pinched. With that being said, Grandma, I love all of your posts and emails, keep up the good work. I am simply referring to grandparents of other people.

Part 2 will be coming out shortly. Leave a comment and let me know what lessons you have learned while interacting with strangers on the Internet.

Christmas, New Years... and Heat?!

I figured you all were itching for another riveting update from the expat down under. I am happy to oblige. Let's start with the most recent major holiday I missed. Christmas comes but once a year, as that old song (and animated short) says, and this year I spent it without any family. Well that is not entirely true. I spent it with Alan and Danielle and their three daughters, part of the Ferno family. When I realized I would be spending this festive holiday season with four (five if you include the dog) girls, I was instantly paralyzed with gifting fear. I had no idea what to get them. To this day I have yet to pick out a gift for my younger sister for Christmas. My mom always comes to me the night before and says, "I have this for you to give to your sister, it is already wrapped, just put your name on it". So logically, I called the women in my life and told them to find something and send it over to me. They settled on Culver shirts for the kids and a scarf for mom. Dad was easy to shop for, mini keg of beer in a bag, and I am done. The girls were ecstatic to get rowing shirts from a different school, and dad was more than happy to tap the mini and get to drinking. They were generous enough to gift me a lovely "Beers of the World" package, which were enjoyed over the next week.

And now for something completely different... Back in November, I heard about some YouTubers coming to visit Brisbane for a meet and greet. I have been watching some of their videos for about a year and figured... I have nothing better to do this Sunday, let's go wait in a line with young girls to meet famous internet people. So that is exactly what I did.
As I was waiting in line listing to a bit of music (standing to stretch my old man legs) with everyone sitting down around me, a security guard approached me signalled for me to come over. I took off my head phones to hear what he had to say. Our conversation went almost exactly like this, SG-"Some committed parents no?" Me-"Yeah, pretty crazy." SG-"You know parents can wait over in the cafe while the kids wait in line." Me-"That's convenient." SG-"So, you can go over there if you want and your girls will be fine waiting here." Me-"I'm not a parent, I am here to see people from the internet."
I found it funny because the group of girls behind me was in fact older than I was. So, that was lovely to have someone think I was old enough to have children that were fully developed. Any way, I met Hannah Hart (My Drunk Kitchen), Mamrie Hart (You Deserve A Drink), and Jack Douglass (Jacksfilms).

My New Year's plans originally had me going to Byron Bay and celebrating with the Gordons. Last minute changes, had me coming back to Brisbane with no plans. So, what do you do when you have now plans? You go to the internet of course! I ended up meeting up with some Redditors and having a few roof top drinks and watching the fireworks then calling it an early night.

I watched them from a prison cell

Lastly, the weather. While you all are complaining about the snow, and the cold, and the "arctic vortex", I have been enduring the hottest January in Australia on record. I would trade places with you in an instant if we didn't have to bother with that pesky 16 hour flight business. This is no joke, I sweat simply thinking about going outside, I fall asleep spooning ice packs, and dread seeing stairs I have to ascend. Thankfully on the hottest day I was able to sneak away to a friend's pool and cool of. But as proof of the heat I was experiencing, here is a screen shot of my phone during the day. It is in Celsius, so sorry for making you do the conversion, but you will survive I am sure of it.

That's all for now folks! I think my next instalment is going to be somethings I have learned at my job. So not really an update, but hopefully it will bring a smile to your face. Until next time...