I Surfed... I Think

This is just a quick short post to satiate you while I create a few longer posts that I will write covering the time Mari has spent here. As the title suggests, this one is about me surfing (or at least trying to).

Mari and I spent last weekend in Byron Bay doing many touristy things including surfing. Being from California, Mari has spent some time on a surf board and has the basic idea of what to do when that wave comes along. So I saw this as an opportunity for her to show me up yet again. And I was right.

We signed up with a company called Black Dog Surf School that actually had a dog that surfed. His name is George and he hangs out in the companies office most of the day. He has not really mastered the concept of facing the right way, but he does get on the board and surf.

We started with a few stretches (thankfully sans camera) and a few drills about foot placement and how to stand up on the board when the wave takes us... then we were in the water. For some reason the instructors thought that Mari and I should be the first two to embarrass ourselves... I was the only one to do that successfully.

It was slow going for the first few tries. I was able to stand up, but it just felt like I was standing on a board in the ocean... not really surfing. But then the instructors pushed me into some bigger waves and I finally felt like I was actually surfing. For some reason I was never able to wipe this dumb look off my face. Every picture of me, I look like I am looking at a horribly disturbing scene... but from a long ways away. So it is a bit of "squinting disgust".

On my last "surf" the fins on the board ran aground on the beach and I decided I would just step off the board instead of fall off like I had been doing all day. That turned out to be a mistake. My impossibly weak knee gave out from under me, I heard it pop, and there was quite a bit of pain that caused me to swear loudly at a crowded family beach. Thankfully it seems that I just sprained my knee, but it still put a damper on the day, since we had to change our plans.

If any of you super intelligent people want to make robotic knees, know that I am a willing guinea pig just as long as I get to keep a working pair.

That is all for this short and quick update. I will do another post soon to let you know all of the fun we got into while Mari visited from Japan. In the mean time, here is another picture of us surfing... notice my complete lack of form resulting in me falling to the back of the wave (like I said, "I think I surfed"). While Mari is making me look like a fool that is confused by the large body of water that just happened to be under me (Why am I wet? And what is that smell?).

Chat soon. Enjoy

Things I Have Learned About People via Social Media Part 2

Edit: I have recently come across this and I agree with all of it. I hope it brought a smile to your face and you enjoyed my late blog post. I will have a new post of soon!

Edit 2: I received this message today while at work. This is a PERFECT example of Lesson 3.

If you can't read the text, the guy who sent the message is claiming that he is in the picture he attached to the message. He is asking us to take it down because he does not want others to see him in it. The picture thumbnail is the entirety of the picture... So he is either claiming that he is one of the snakes or the faceless torso and hands holding the snakes. Also, this is a picture that was taken by one of the photographers at the company, and consent forms have been signed for all people photographed... so it is not him. Man I love the internet.

Lesson 6: Sailors have cleaner mouths than most of you- If I went ten minutes without reading a swear word of any sort, I think I would have a mental break down. I don't think people know those words are optional and rarely strengthen the point you are trying to make. I even have a filter set on the company page to instantly hide all posts with swear words in it, but if you refer back to Lesson 1 (People are dumb), you will remember that these moronic barely evolved monkeys can't spell. So I get to comb through their stupidity and hide comments like "fcuk", "asss", "biches" etc...

Lesson 7: If it is not happening to them, it is not happening to anyone- Also seen as, "I didn't see/hear/know about it before you, it is fake". This goes back to Lesson 3. If the FB page posts about a heat wave in X city, I can guarantee you someone in Y city will post saying something along the lines of "That's not happening here, what is this sh*t. Why don't you find something that is actually happening". Even if a referenced account is verified, people instantly call out FAKE at the top of their lungs. As if I took precious time out of my day to doctor some D-list celebrities twitter post for the sake of click though stats. Don't... just stop.

Lesson 8: They think you care if they unfollow you- I am managing a page that has over 60,000 likes (while not massive, it is comparatively big). On average, there are 70 unlikes and 500 new likes per day. Around 50 of those unlikes feel it is their obligation to inform me they are unliking the page. Most of the time with no reasoning. Just a simple message or post saying "I've had enough... UNLIKE!". Sorry to burst your bubble princess, but I don't care. The internet is a free place; like, unlike, favorite, report, post, friend, unfriend whoever and whatever you want. That is the joy of this lawless wild west that is the internet. By informing me of your departure, do you think I am suddenly going to change everything and come to you hat in hand begging for you to come back to me? Not a chance. Click the button and move on, we don't care to hear your pity party as you sulk out of the room.

Lesson 9: Animals and storms rule the internet- We all know cats are the official mascot of the internet, but there seems to be a changing of the guard taking place. I am amazed at how well posts do when there is an animal, or a picture of a storm cloud/lightning. Now this maybe something that is specific to Australia or Queensland or even Brisbane, but the reach and engagement that I see with animal or storm pictures is unreal. Not complaining in the least, just surprises me that something so commonplace draws so much attention, and holds attention for so long.

Lesson 10: People are good- I know I said they were dumb back in Lesson 1, they swear like drunken angry sailors in Lesson 6, and they are self-important in Lesson 3, but as a whole they are good. They respond to posts in encouraging manners. They stand up for people that are being victimised or bullied. Over all, people on social media are encouraging challenging conversation and progressing the human psyche. So thank you all for being a part of that and thank you for allowing me to pursue a "job" like "Social Media Manager". I hate/love dealing with you people and I have learned so much about the way we act in public, private, and where we think is private.

I hope you enjoyed the lessons that I have learned. I also hope that you regularly take into consideration the person that is sitting on the other end of the magic internet tubes that is reading all of the posts, comments, and messages. Remember that majority of the time they have nothing to do with any of the operations of the company and are simply being paid to increase brand awareness and customer engagement.

I will be back to my regular...ish blogs soon, where I will update you will all the new happenings on the other side of the world. Enjoy!

Things I Have Learned About People via Social Media Part 1

We ALL use it EVERYDAY. You would think that everyone would begin to follow some "best practices" when it comes to interacting with strangers, acquaintances, friends, and family in the "cyber world". But after spending a few months at a major news outlet in Australia working as a "Social Media Manager", I have learned some important lessons about my fellow... Man... if I dare even group myself into the same genetic category as some of these people.

Here are the first five lessons I have learned while interacting with strangers on the Internet. Enjoy!

Lesson 1: People are dumb- I mean really dumb. I picture some of the users eating paste while pondering if  the "W" key and the "M" key are mistakes, or are there on purpose. Yet despite their continually plummeting IQ score, they still manage to slam their cheeto dust covered sausage fingers into the keyboard long enough to compose a string of words that resembles a sentence. Which I then have to decipher, only to realize that they are high on the glue they have been suckling on all day.

Lesson 2: People are lazy- Much of my "job" is posting an eye catching headline to draw you to click on the link at the end of the headline. I am blown away how many people will take the time to post or reply and ask what the actual story was about because they didn't want to read the story. Listen sweetheart, I am not your nanny, I don't read you a bed time story, fold your clothes, or summarize your news stories. Put on your big boy/girl pants and inform yourself.

Lesson 3: People think they are The Most important person to follow any account- I can not tell you how many messages I have received saying "Hey (Account), There's something about this picture/post/comment that bothers me, can you remove it". Oh, I'm sorry! The picture of a small child in a pool with an attached story about children's swim lessons bothered you! Since you don't like happy children frolicking or the important mission of teaching children to swim, I will take it down this instant. You are our most important follower and we would not dare lose you over a happy heartwarming picture.

Lesson 4: No one reads previous comments- So this is a bit of a reach, as common sense would dictate that those who read previous comments don't post redundant comments. But I am still amazed at how many IDENTICAL comments I see on stories. One after another after another. It is as if no one has any idea how a conversation works. Person A speaks, Person B listens and reacts to Person A. It is like everyone is playing that obnoxious repeating game that we used to play as kids. "Hey", "Hey", "What are you doing?", "What are you doing?", "Are you repeating everything I say?", "Are you repeating everything I say?"... Cool story dude, you are wasting everyone's time and you are about as funny as a small child in a wheelchair struggling to wheel up an inclined ramp.

Lesson 5: The Like, Share, and Comment Buttons scare the hell out of most people- Well except for the older generations. Parents and Grandparents have an obsession with clicking... ALL of these buttons. They see a post about cupcakes... SHARE WITH EVERYONE! Picture of child/grandchild partaking in something that their generation didn't believe in... PUBLICLY SHAME! News story about cell phones... I DON'T UNDERSTAND! It is as if the buttons are small children's chubby virgin cheeks that are crying out to be pinched. With that being said, Grandma, I love all of your posts and emails, keep up the good work. I am simply referring to grandparents of other people.

Part 2 will be coming out shortly. Leave a comment and let me know what lessons you have learned while interacting with strangers on the Internet.

Christmas, New Years... and Heat?!

I figured you all were itching for another riveting update from the expat down under. I am happy to oblige. Let's start with the most recent major holiday I missed. Christmas comes but once a year, as that old song (and animated short) says, and this year I spent it without any family. Well that is not entirely true. I spent it with Alan and Danielle and their three daughters, part of the Ferno family. When I realized I would be spending this festive holiday season with four (five if you include the dog) girls, I was instantly paralyzed with gifting fear. I had no idea what to get them. To this day I have yet to pick out a gift for my younger sister for Christmas. My mom always comes to me the night before and says, "I have this for you to give to your sister, it is already wrapped, just put your name on it". So logically, I called the women in my life and told them to find something and send it over to me. They settled on Culver shirts for the kids and a scarf for mom. Dad was easy to shop for, mini keg of beer in a bag, and I am done. The girls were ecstatic to get rowing shirts from a different school, and dad was more than happy to tap the mini and get to drinking. They were generous enough to gift me a lovely "Beers of the World" package, which were enjoyed over the next week.

And now for something completely different... Back in November, I heard about some YouTubers coming to visit Brisbane for a meet and greet. I have been watching some of their videos for about a year and figured... I have nothing better to do this Sunday, let's go wait in a line with young girls to meet famous internet people. So that is exactly what I did.
As I was waiting in line listing to a bit of music (standing to stretch my old man legs) with everyone sitting down around me, a security guard approached me signalled for me to come over. I took off my head phones to hear what he had to say. Our conversation went almost exactly like this, SG-"Some committed parents no?" Me-"Yeah, pretty crazy." SG-"You know parents can wait over in the cafe while the kids wait in line." Me-"That's convenient." SG-"So, you can go over there if you want and your girls will be fine waiting here." Me-"I'm not a parent, I am here to see people from the internet."
I found it funny because the group of girls behind me was in fact older than I was. So, that was lovely to have someone think I was old enough to have children that were fully developed. Any way, I met Hannah Hart (My Drunk Kitchen), Mamrie Hart (You Deserve A Drink), and Jack Douglass (Jacksfilms).

My New Year's plans originally had me going to Byron Bay and celebrating with the Gordons. Last minute changes, had me coming back to Brisbane with no plans. So, what do you do when you have now plans? You go to the internet of course! I ended up meeting up with some Redditors and having a few roof top drinks and watching the fireworks then calling it an early night.

I watched them from a prison cell

Lastly, the weather. While you all are complaining about the snow, and the cold, and the "arctic vortex", I have been enduring the hottest January in Australia on record. I would trade places with you in an instant if we didn't have to bother with that pesky 16 hour flight business. This is no joke, I sweat simply thinking about going outside, I fall asleep spooning ice packs, and dread seeing stairs I have to ascend. Thankfully on the hottest day I was able to sneak away to a friend's pool and cool of. But as proof of the heat I was experiencing, here is a screen shot of my phone during the day. It is in Celsius, so sorry for making you do the conversion, but you will survive I am sure of it.

That's all for now folks! I think my next instalment is going to be somethings I have learned at my job. So not really an update, but hopefully it will bring a smile to your face. Until next time...